It can break your heart
Sandra M. Vago, Playwright/Activist, at One America Blog
PTSD & Losing a Child
I sat listening attentively while General Wesley Clark spoke to the men and women at the American Legion Hall. An articulate, powerful and intelligent speaker, this 4 Star General knew exactly what he was talking about when he spoke of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, he has suffered from it as have many of the men and women he has served with and spoken with since his service in Vietnam. He was speaking of the current administration's cutting in half the funds for brain injury and PTSD recently for returning veterans from Iraq and Afghanistan; something that should anger all Americans since this is one of the most needed and under-funded illnesses facing our troops now and in the past.
For nearly two and a half years I had been working with some very passionate and concerned veterans as a group, Veterans and Citizens for Truth, now dissolved. I had gone to hear the General speak for Candidate Claire McCaskill for U.S. Senator for Missouri with some of those veterans and hadn't expected to be affected so personally by his speech, but I was. You see, my son died March 8th of this year and I've been having nightmares and feeling the guilt of not being able to save him. As General Clark talked about his own nightmares, his own awakening to the horror's of war and what our brave men and women who serve their country deal with on their return home, I realized it was exactly the same feelings I had been having for the past six months, sadness, anger, violent nightmares but my son hadn't been fighting the "war on terrorism", he was fighting the old war, "the war on drugs". He was facing the exact same problems, no money for healthcare or help because the disease he suffered from was mental, just as PTSD, he suffered from bi-polar disorder that led him to drug use, neither of which has ever been given much attention or understanding by our politicians when it comes to treatment programs and care. Nancy Regan gave us, "Just say no!", but what about those who are unable to say "no" without help? My son had also been hit by an even more complicated and rare illness as well this past year, Miller Fisher Gillian-Berre disease, that put him into the hospital 3 times for long periods and on even more pain killing drugs and worsening depression, while never dealing with his mental illness.
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I listened to General Clark and I decided at that moment that I would continue my fight for this care, admitting to myself now that I too am suffering from this Post Traumatic Disorder, this anger, this sadness and that the way to help myself is to fight for those tens of thousands of others with mental illness, brain injuries and the nightmares of their own wars. My son would want that, he fought so hard the last year of his life to be "normal" and told me time and time again that he was so glad I was working for wounded veterans suffering from everything but especially from PTSD and brain trauma and that he was happy to hear me ask that question of Senator Kerry; and when I have those nightmares like the one I had last night, when I am so angry with myself for not being able to do enough to save him, I'll get out of bed and write a letter like this one to the newspapers, I'll send information out to our elected officials, I'll talk to anyone who will listen and I'll continue to work and make this a priority in my life. War is hell, whether you are fighting it in the godforsaken desert of a foreign land while risking your life and protecting the lives of those around you or fighting for the care you need right here in America. We must bring peace, education and healthcare to all and end that hell once and for all.
